discovered another…

…song i like, that is. this will be my last post on running from freedom. from now on, all my posts (including the archive) will be on findingcover.wordpress.com. i will start working on transferring soon.

fear

Image

to clarify, i think that statement might be a bit simplistic. there is definitely a lot of hate in the world and it’s very damaging. however, hate is so obviously evil that many at least struggle with it, while everyone gives in to fear sometimes. it is so strong, and can keep you from doing so much.

new name!

so you notice the title doesn’t match the domain anymore, it’s because i thought of a new name! i will switch it over soon. just glad i found a name that someone wasn’t hogging!! *ahem* rather annoying when you think of a great name, search for it, and find it in use by someone who never even posted one thing! grr. ah well. i did find one, so i will be alright now.

one day…

i just like the hope in this song.

still suck

i have been trying to be a better person, a good friend, for years.
i don’t think there’s much improvement. even when i try to get together with people or do something i think will help someone it usually doesn’t work, or i feel i put a bandaid on a gushing wound.
pretty sure i’m still way too much a loner most of the time.
i really want to be there for my friends, but i don’t seem to be yet. i’ll keep working on it i guess. all i can do.
feels like i’m spinning my wheels.

changes coming…

a heads up to all one of you reading this (no bitterness there, i swear), i am going to be changing the look and most importantly the name of the blog soon.
the name made sense to me at the time of creation, but it probably doesn’t to most, and it would be slightly difficult to explain.
not to mention it’s a helluva long title to type. so yeah.

alone in heaven

a thinking song that i’ve loved for a while…

delusional?

was thinking about my blog, and the inordinate amount i talk about god. it was really a primary reason why i began the blog, originally; so i could talk about my experiences and beliefs, maybe help someone.
but i do wonder sometimes, am i just obsessed, living again in the bubble i grew up in? have i not really pushed my way out to the real world? maybe i am slightly delusional, with all my hopes about the future and how everything will get better. this is a little disturbing to contemplate.
at least now, due to a job change, i am going to have a little more time on my hands. it will give me a chance to think, question, and become. maybe i will get some balance too.

free will

a major component of modern christianity (at least the evangelical side) is the expectation that you surrender everything you have and are to God. your dreams, hopes, everything.
by surrender, i mean that he is now supposed to guide basically every decision you make. the reasoning is that it’s for our good and to his glory.
i have some big problems with this idea.
it has to do with the existence of evil. when you look deeper into why everything is so screwed up, the question must be asked; why was there the option of choosing evil in the first place? there are undoubtedly numerous answers to this, but one i can respect more than most is the reply that otherwise we would not really have free will, that God wanted us to be more than robots. i can deal with this. not perfect, but it’s a reasonable answer. but if that’s the case, why is it so emphasized that when we become christians we must in essence give up the free will that is so valuable that we pay dearly for it every day in suffering and stupidity?

may i punch someone?

yesterday, as a friday and the day before valentine’s, wasn’t as insane as i had imagined in my store, but it was not an exceptionally great day. throughout, i was inquiring of couples, especially older ones, if they had anything special planned for the weekend.
not sure why, i guess i was hoping to hear simple but romantic plans, maybe that they would even just take a walk and say “i love you”?

seems stupid and even prying now. a discouraging number of people said they had nothing planned, even that they had moved past that stage. i wanted to hit them so hard. how could you ever move past appreciating love, a person who’s at least supposed to always be there for and with you? i don’t understand.